ABOUT US

Chief of Police Vinnegar Douchay

Vinnegar Douche (pronounced doo-shay) began life as a humble goat herder thousands of years ago. Despite now leading the WHPD as a godlike capsuleer, he remains devoted to his traditions. Accompanied by his microphone eating bird, Charlie, the Chief of Police quietly patrols wormhole space, scanning every moon for dirtbags.

Officer Squizz Caphinator

Commander of an entirely reasonable number of alts who absolutely operate independently but somehow always arrive on grid at the same time. With an arsenal of websites containing what some might call “cheat codes” and others call “publicly available information,” he prefers preparation over panic. While others guess, Squizz already checked the logs, the routes, and your fit. If you see one ship, assume there are five more cloaked and a webpage open with your name on it.

Officer Damoraath Sponge

Retired from some other military that probably still tells stories about him, this exemplary Officer makes his rounds in good spirits and with an endless supply of jokes that are far better than they need to be. He takes the job seriously, just not himself, and somehow that makes it worse for you. If he cites you, make sure you compliment the yellow checkered pants. It will not help your case, but it will absolutely make his day.

Officer BLiTzD86

Proudly born on the 20th moon of the 4th planet, to which he still offers regular tokes of gratitude, he serves as head of a sprawling family of 86 children, 2 ex-wives, and 13 ex-fiancées. Voted "Most Likely to Be Arrested by Internal Affairs," this Deputy is always surrounded by a cloud of appeasing fumes when on duty.

Officer Muh Mabebu

Short in height, tall in automation. If it can beep, flash, or file a report, she already scripted it. Even her space wee woos are fully automated and probably documented. She may need a booster seat in the Tholos, but her code reaches everywhere. If you get cited by Muh, just know it was efficient, optimized, and its sometimes honestly kind of impressive.

Deputy 10of15

Deputy 10of15 is a capsuleer of questionable judgment and impeccable paperwork, operating somewhere between law, legend, and liability. As an issuing officer for Krazy Karl’s Used Shuttles, they ensure ships are replaced, blame is reassigned, and the scent of burnt ozone and regret lingers. Trained loosely by the Amish Space Program, 10of15 believes any problem can be solved with stubborn faith and insufficient tools. Often found staring into waterfalls, contemplating clone mortality, they remain calmly bureaucratic as the universe burns.